The dark ride of the soul...

“Welcome to the endless cycle of riddles and realizations.... But, don’t take it seriously, it’s only divine pantomime”.... Says the operator: You. 

You’ve probably heard of the term the dark night of the soul, where your energy ventures into the dark layers and lower ebbs of the self – the sheets and covers beyond the reach of the analytical mind and the conscious radar. 

What’s this ride all about? Why does it happen? How does this ride even start?  

Well, it’s a ride of a journey that has no path and no destination – it's really about the unknown tour itself! It starts when It’s time to take the leap of faith – the pattern (not the destination) to awaken to your reality. When the perception of your truth needs to be renewed, then: so, be, it. 

There’s no time measurement or a duration to this phase and it isn’t quantifiable – when you’re on the spiritual path, you know when you’re riding this – it's part of your learning, shedding – it's part of your life – the living period between birth and death. The amusement park within you, is really where the turbulences of life take place. To realize who you are, you need to embrace the possibilities of all that you are. 

Just like a roller coaster, you don’t get to escape it when you’re in it – this is exactly what causes the chronic lack and separation within, by trying to escape those windows of truth. It's those moments of courageously looking inwards for honesty. Chronic stress is the aftermath of self-neglect; self-resistance.  

It's similar here, you will go through the ups and downs of all that needs to be transmuted and integrated – it's the self-understanding that you go through. You break to amend and then amend to break – the cycle of life. 

To try to escape, is to avoid – when you avoid, you will feel heavier and murkier, as the pull of inner forces are stronger than your desire to escape.  Passivity of avoidance creates the self-anger for not acting, for not showing-up, for not being present with yourself. 

The only way out of what you’re fearing (the thrill of the ride), is to be in it. We are forced, by the flow of nature, to undertake these rides, because we feel hurt/pain or the soul’s had enough with the pressure inflicted on ourselves to “make it”; to survive.  When I mention nature, it’s also our higher or observant self within. 

The darkness is where you feared to face, to  know, to see. The dark is not what you think – it's the realm of the unmanifested – rawness – the soil of energy – seeds of creation.  But, when the shadow of who you are – the unprocessed, repressed, stubborn, misaligned and incoherent energies - grows bigger than what you can tolerate, that’s when the crumbling of the dissonance starts to happen. The illusion of who you're not grows and that's when the darkness starts to scare you.  Safety in knowing becomes your life’s motto.  

All forces of earth and the universe playing its part and we think we can control, because the Ego/analytical mind has been given much fabricated power over the supreme reality – out of our own conditioning. We have become problem-solving creatures; we need to find something wrong to fix. The mind is always scanning outside for issues, out of its own mechanical conditioning, while the only wrongness lies within the same cycle it tries to solve – the self that harbors this past identity of wrong. 

We Humans have a grander path than to just survive, struggle and live a habitual life. To know who you are, is to question that knowing... Not for the analytical mind to answer, but to wonder and wonder to receive it from the depths of your being. Question, deeper and existential, what the heck is this all about – what role I play? Not just a lost speck in a space of physicality. 

I’ve been in this phase for many years now – you understand what your rawness is, the depths of your self, the body pains, your heart aches, you take ownership – your leadership is within you. Not to fear the ride  - the skeletons in the closet, on the contrary, you welcome it; because you know you will come out of it a wiser person. Your faith, your fidelity, your direction is always tested, you’re testing yourself to trust anew in this new phase. This ride.  

You take it slowly at the start, by becoming gentler with yourself. Then other mind-escaping habits and patterns start to be seen – excessive planning, external vices to avoid feeling, to social outings to to to....  Then you move from expectations to faith and patience, from doubt to trust, to what’s happening today, then it becomes finer and finer, till how much can you be aware on a moment-by-moment basis? Analysis to awareness of this analysis – the awareness of your awareness.  

It’s the natural way for you to change – just like the stars’ position guides us where to go and the moon reveals the way for us – our own constellation does that for us – hence your ride is your own; really designed just for you. 

You feel lost, confused and all the shit – but, the feeling of being lost, is merely not venturing on the known path you are used to – in the unknown. True strength is to endure all these aspects of uncertainty and insecurity, to rise above the situation and learn from not “knowing” per se. Everything starts to present itelf the way it is, because that’s our intention – to see things just as they are, without our fabricated mental image of it.  

When you avoid your “negative side” all of your life, you take the ride, and all that you are seems negative, because this pull of what has been repressed is the strongest of most – so, the only way out of it, is to be it – to go in and integrate the emotions that are not current. The self that is separate.  The analytical mind/the shadow doesn’t want this uncertainty, it wants security of the past, so will do all the tricks to avoid this journey. Resist and attach, attach and resist – doubt, doubt, doubt. The light scares the shadow – so these cracks in its shell, where light is shed, are not welcomed – are painful. So, we have to endure to  bring the shadow to light.   

Just like electrons have a negative charge and protons have a positive charge, we have those pulls and pushes with our own energy – without their moral identity.  

Then, with acceptance and the working through the friction, that part is integrated into you – the Higher self and then the cycle begins at another time/level. What dissolves, is what’s integrated. But, without the friction of it, the work, there’s no change.  

Everything is undone and delivered through awareness. To look at it – to see it – to recognize it as it is. What doesn’t like to be looked it, is just imaginary – as it’s lurking! When it gets stronger, that means we are seeing the deeper side of it - the more is presented to us to see. You let go, more comes up and the cycle goes round and round.  

Resistance shows you where friction is, and where there’s friction, there’s work and that work is to process – to see it, be conscious of it.  While we identify our lives with what we do, our real work is to lose that identification to really know who you are. Your being. Your energy, and not the narratives you repeat automatically every day. 

We are so much grander than our daily jobs are. Remember that energy is what influences matter – your own broadcast – your own consciousness.  

When you’re regularly in touch with your rawness, by becoming experienced riders, then you know the whole of life is a ride – a flow of forces and it goes up and down – where you are being the witness of it all. 

It’s not being lazy or stagnant, knowing that it’s a flow, but to participate fully by being present of all that is happening – so, when you decide to reclaim, to tread the path of grandness, spirituality, this is a full-time job – a work that never ends, to be completely observant and aware of all that is happening within you and seeing how it reflects outside of you.  

To resign when you’re misaligned and to assert when necessary. To force when not needed, you will feel it – as it stops working out – you're now out of the flow and forcing your own stream against the current. 

The first step in anything is showing up for it – you show up, you invest (your effort), and your confidence, your trust keeps on developing. Your words are part of an automatic story that you feature in, they have their weight, and they mean action. You say, you act. You are what you are. 

Show up to what.... to you! To see all situations as external reflections of yourself  Attend to your boredom, your sadness, your anxiety, attend to all the ride has to offer – all the ups and downs. Respect the downs and respect the ups. 

To place your attention, not just when you resign or become recluse, but always you’re conscious on the present moment – on the field, and not what your thoughts are showcasing themselves to be – really on no-thing. 

All what you read about healing leads to one place, how much space are you able to create in life to assess your own efforts; to expand and shine from within – our subconscious is what influences our lives through the programs we installed, as part of learning from our environment for the first 7  years.  

So, how much can you recognize the programmed beliefs and what do they serve – are you a creator or a victim? The game is knowing what roles you’re playing, when you’re “conscious of the programs” 

No one can ever tell you what’s within you, we can notice how you behave, but how you experience all of this within you, is you. So, to recognize your truth, you must lose the mind that is falsifying that.  

To allow yourself to lose, is the start of the chaos – the ride. There's no life without the upheaval it brings. Be true to yourself, just like the tempest – wild and always free to take its course. Energy doesn’t have boundaries – it's wavelengths – waves, waves and waves within waves - and it's a conglomeration of forces – it's our perspective that puts limits on it. Get out of the wind, into the eye.  

So, when energy is stagnant, it needs to force its way (chaos) to flow again (order) and it goes on and on, like a ride. Energy has no edges, it’s not linear, it’s not mechanical. 

Awakening doesn’t mean that it’s for better, or for worse – it's about being open, to see, what’s going on – in all facets of life – inner and outer. The pain is greater, when the attachment to the belief, the narrative, the thought is stronger. That which held safety, no longer serves and that friction is what change is – the regeneration of energy, from what it used to where it is.   

And, when you don’t know, it’s alright – you really don’t. And that’s when you are vulnerable and open to asking for support from those who have experienced this before. Who honor their suffering (the ride of emotions) and the pain they transformed.  

You are the responsible experiencer for all that is happening in your life...  So, at least, take pleasure in the ride! It starts when it starts and end, when it ends.  

These journeys are always awakening – themed with REALizations; that’s change. 

I leave you with the master of acquiescence: 

Marcus Aurelius: “Love the hand that fate deals you and play it as your own, for what could be more fitting? 

From my heart to yours,  

Peace in and Peace out.